Finding "The One" For You
I’ve been asked so many times, how I know that Dre is the one for me. In this post, I’ll give you my answer as well as help you with finding the one”!
Honestly, I’m not sure that I believe we all have 1 soul mate in this world. I’m also not saying I don’t believe it. I just think that things in life happen and as you go through life, you can’t guarantee anything. Look at couples who were happily married for 10-20 years who get divorced and end up re-marrying later. For 10-20 years those people thought they found “the one”. And years later, they find another one.
We can blame it on the fact that maybe they were never right for each other and did their best to hold it together until realizing they made a mistake. Or maybe they didn’t receive marriage counseling and weren’t equipped to deal with certain things in their marriage. Maybe they didn’t have a relationship with a Godly foundation and either person ended up stepping out or doing something unforgivable. You never really know. And so I’m not claiming that I know, I’m claiming that I 100% feel like I’ve found my one and I want to share the story of how it happened and how I know.
Before even thinking about finding the one, you have to find yourself. If you don’t know who you really are, what you believe in, what you stand for and what you want out of life, how could you possibly recognize the right person for you? You can’t. You can take a guess and test the waters but without knowing yourself and what you want, you can’t determine who is right for you.
Before meeting Dre, I worked A LOT on myself. I did journaling daily, lots of self-reflection, lots of self-discovery and self-growth. Once I felt like I knew myself and what I wanted out of life, I started to visualize the type of partner that I needed to accomplish those things and be happy.
I pictured this man so vividly in my head. Not how he looked physically but who he was spiritually and as a person. I literally wrote a list of 100 things that described the perfect man for me. I also added physical things to the list cuz I thought God knew my heart so what’s the harm in putting it in writing haha.
I started to fantasize about how we would meet, where he was at that moment, if he lived in Ohio or another state, how long it would take before we met…. I was excited. But I honestly thought that there was no way I was meeting a man like that anytime soon or a man who was close enough in age to make sense.
Side note, Dre is a year younger than me. Crazy right!?
So I continued to focus on me. I stayed busy with my business, my health, friends, and family and really worked on becoming the woman who deserved a man like the man that I wanted.
Dre revealed himself as that man about 6 months later. I had met him almost a year before then when I was visiting a friend in DC. We went on 1 date and never spoke again until I reached out because I was moving to DC to expand my business. I wasn’t looking to date him, I just wanted a friend in the area and someone to help me determine where to get an apartment at. We became really close friends and by the time I actually moved, he asked me to be his girlfriend.
The whole time we were friends, I knew it was something about him. He was the first man that I was giving my time to since making my celibacy vow to God so of course, it was a thought that maybe he could be the man I was praying for and visualizing but like I said, I was only focusing on being friends.
Dre from the very beginning was great at communicating, he was a man of his word, he showed he cared, he was a great listener and never once tried to have sex me. I was really attracted to him, we had great chemistry and conversation but it wasn’t enough for me to know he was the one.
The moment I realized he was the one was when I felt like I got confirmation from God. Things in our life were happening and there was no logical explanation. It was like everything aligned just perfectly to get us to the point where we together. To hear more about this check out our youtube video “How To Know Someone Is The ONE For You!”
I got to a point where there was no doubt in my mind that this was the person I wanted to spend my life with. He aligned with my list of 100 things, except for the fact that he isn’t 6 feet or taller. Which was shallow for me to list anyways haha.
I would look at him and would see my whole future. I knew he would be an amazing husband because he was already doing the responsibilities of a husband. I knew he would be a good father to our children because of the way that he cares for me and his family. I knew no matter what we may go through, we will be okay because he is God-fearing and puts God at the center of everything. It made so much sense that there wasn’t a way for him to NOT be the one for me. His love for me held me accountable to continue to become my best self because he deserved nothing less.
THAT is love.
So in order to find your one, you have to have a clear understanding of what the requirements are. Love is a choice, you get to choose who you love. I hate when women say they can’t leave a man because they are “in love”. What does that even mean? Does he love you? Like really love you? Look at their actions. God says love is love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
So when women say that they are “in love” with someone I ask them these questions about their men:
Is he patient? Is he kind? Does he refrain from getting jealous? Does he refrain from lying or cheating on you? Does he always show you respect? Does he refrain from blaming you? Does he trust you?
If you answer no to any of those questions, that man does not really love you. Love is not a feeling it’s an action. Just because a man says he loves you doesn’t mean he means it. Finding “the one” means that you have to learn what love looks like before you can have it or recognize it.
After you are in a place where you know exactly what you want out of a partner and out of life, you can compare it to the man you’re dealing with. If he doesn’t align with that, he is clearly not the one. Now don’t confuse this with me saying he has to be perfect. There are always negotiable's and nonnegotiable. It’s important to know the difference between the two.
Your negotiable's should be things that are physical or doable in the future. For example, I said I wanted my man to be at least 6 feet tall. This is a negotiable request. I wouldn’t pass up a man just because he doesn’t meet a height requirement. And an example for something doable in the future is like how I said I wanted to be someone who was also an entrepreneur and business owner. Dre wasn’t either when I met him but his occupation wasn’t going to keep me from being with him. And less than a year into our relationship he was able to quit his job and join me in running our business full time so now I get that extra perk.
Your nonnegotiable's should be things that you are not willing to compromise on or things that would make the relationship not work. An example of this is religious beliefs. You can’t be with someone who you are unequally yoked with.
Create your dream list of the one for you and then categorize your items into negotiable's and nonnegotiable's. Be intentional about meeting men who align with what you’re looking for. In a perfect world, we would get everything on our list. But in real life, we have to be willing to compromise our negotiable's.
If you’re already in a relationship and you’re questioning if he is the one, the answer is probably not. If you’re questioning it, that means you’re doubting it. When he’s the one, you will know he’s the one. But if you need proof, do the same activity and see if the man you’re with checks off everything on your non-negotiable list. That’s a great way of seeing the relationship for what it is without going completely off of your feelings. Feelings will fade. The feeling of love is not enough. You actually have to actively love someone in order to make the relationship last.
I really hope this message has shed some light on finding “the one”. If you’re reading to this and you’re single, please hear me when I say you are so worthy of the man you want. Write him down, visualize him and then get busy with working on you so that when he comes, you will be ready!
Thanks so much for reading. Love y'all! Until next time, be shameless!