Getting Over An Ex-Boyfriend
Updated: Jul 11, 2020
Relationships are complicated things, especially when they come to an end. This post is for all you women out there who are struggling to get over your ex and move on to bigger and better things.
Trust me, I’ve been there and I feel your pain!
Breakups suck. No one goes into a relationship thinking they’ll break up. But the way I look at it, we have to go through experiences and people to become who we are supposed to be and attract who we are supposed to be with. The woman you were 5 years ago, isn’t the woman you are now. The reason why most relationships that start at a young age don’t last is that as we grow we evolve. We change and mature and the things we want don’t always align with the other person.
Or, something bad happens. You cheat, they cheat, you have an argument that you can’t forgive or worse, something tragic happens and you lose them due to a freak accident, health-related issues or even murder.
Maybe, it wasn’t something they did, but something you did. Or maybe, there was no clear reason at all, the relationship just ended. The reason in which you may need to get over an ex vary but either way, I’m here to help you if you’re feeling stuck. I’ve had relationships end in many different ways, each of them hard to deal with.
The beauty about breakups is that they end one chapter to begin another. The next chapter is always more beautiful than the last because we get closer to where we’re supposed to be. Even if it’s tough to deal with. Think about all of the things that you have overcome in your life. You’re better now because of those tough times and the same goes for your ex.
Don’t allow yourself to get so caught up in your emotions that you forget that your happiness and future comes first. Stop giving men the benefit of doubt and just recognize when they aren’t the one for you. Stop making excuses for them, stop finding reasons to forgive. Most of the time, they don’t deserve it. When you find the person who is right for you, it won’t be so hard. You won’t have to make excuses and try to make things make sense, they just will!
I’m so excited to share my tips for getting over an ex. My relationship before Dre ended really badly and had I not gotten over my ex, dealt with my own issues and moved on, I would have passed up the man of my dreams and not of even known it.
So here they are:
1. Completely End It
Don’t be that girl who breaks up and is still blowing up their phone, trying to be friends or have a casual relationship. That will almost never get you what you want. If you’re done. Be done. Disconnect from social media and reconnect with yourself. This is the time to focus on you.
Do what you have to do! If that means blocking them from social media or blocking their number so they can’t contact you, do it. But don’t be petty. Don’t do the back and forth game and go at it until you have the last word because that solves nothing and in the long run, won’t help you cope with the breakup.
Come to terms with the fact that it’s over. Hopefully, you were able to end on good terms. Ending a relationship on good terms gives both parties the closure that we usually need to successfully move on. Ending on good terms simply means you handled the situation like a mature adult and both went your separate ways with an understanding of why the relationship ended.
If you weren’t able to end on good terms, you will probably need some sort of closure. When relationships end badly, they come with a whole different set of issues. Closure is something that you need to find within yourself, not your ex. You need to understand that whatever happened, was meant to happen and you have to move on. You have to let go of any blame you may have on them or yourself and simply choose to walk away forgiving. Don’t think about the time you wasted. No time is wasted, there are lessons in everything we do, it just takes some time and effort to find them.
2. Evaluate Your Experience
It’s easier to move on from something when you can understand the role and purpose that it had in your life. Use your last relationship to help better yourself and prepare you for your next one. The way I always like to look at it as, when things don’t work out with one man you know your closer to the RIGHT man!
Honestly evaluate your experience. Ask yourself:
Was I happy 100% of the time?
Was I settling in any way?
Was I compromising anything?
What things didn’t you like about the relationship?
Were you happy before you met them?
What red flags did you see?
What could you of done better?
These are great examples but the list goes on. Really evaluate all the aspects of your relationship so you can see that there is so much room for improvement. Work to make sure your next relationship is better than the last.
Make sure you’re not just looking at what THEY did but what you did as well. How did you contribute to the breakup? What could you of done better? What things do you want to change about yourself before jumping into another relationship?
All of these things will help you to rationalize the breakup and visualize yourself moving forward.
3. Create a New Vision for Your Future That Doesn’t Include Them
When you’re in a relationship, you envision a future with that person in it. Most of the time, we aren’t even in love with the person, we’re in love with the thought of them. The thought that we found the one and we no longer have to be alone. But the beauty of being alone is to be able to learn who you truly are and what you really want out of a partner and out of life.
A breakup is just a reset button. It’s the moment you get to stop everything in its tracks and decide to course-correct and change directions. When you have a new direction, it becomes easier to leave what’s in the past, in the past. Because you know it’s not for you and it’s there for a reason. This is when you can truly visualize your future and focus on the things that should be a priority in your life.
4. Stay Busy
Now that you know what should be priority, get busy! Put all your attention and efforts into the things that need your time most. Whether that be school, work, your kids, friends, family, or your health. Set new goals and challenge yourself to be your best!
Staying busy not only takes your focus off the breakup, but it also helps you bounce back to a place of confidence and security. You can reassure yourself that life will and must go on with or without them. At the end of the day, you don’t want to stress yourself out over someone who is busy living their life. Live yours too. It will be okay. Time will go on and sooner or later, you’ll be ready for the next thing.
5. Be Patient
The longer the relationship, the harder the breakup. Allow yourself time to fully process, cope and heal. As women, we are emotional creatures. When we love, we love hard. Getting over your ex won’t be an overnight thing. It’s important to remind yourself daily why the relationship ended and visualize your future and what’s to come.
Gather your support system. You know how friends do, they don’t care if you were right or wrong, they will defend and support you no matter what. When you have moments of weakness, call them, not your ex. When you feel alone, show up at their place, not his. Stay true to the course of the breakup, the quicker you continue on the path, the quicker you will move on. You just need to give yourself permission to start to heal.
I really hope these tips help. Just remember that life is a journey. You will meet lots of people and experience many things. He is only 1 person. And the best has yet to come!
If you’re struggling to get over your ex, make sure to download my free guide “5 Steps to getting over an ex”.
Thanks so much for reading, and until next time, be shameless!